This entry's song: Such Great Heights (Iron & Wine, Garden State Soundtrack).

During the past week and a half or so, my general sentiment has changed quite a bit. I very quickly went from some of the worst depression of my life, to a very uplifted and optimistic place. In great part, this was due to increased activity and productivity which, as you can see from the equation given in my last entry, generally increase my happiness. My friend Nate and I began working on a fun web project, and this kind of just catalyzed an increased desire to do stuff in general, which made me feel better all around, which made me want to do more, etc, etc. So I was feeling pretty good.

While still riding this relative high a few days ago, I jotted down a thought I had that struck me as poignant, one I wanted to remember to write in my next diary entry. It read: "Am I getting used to this, or have I simply reached one of those elusive high points in the drastically fluctuating up and down cycle that my life has become?" The diary entry was intended to have a fairly positive spin, reflecting my contentment at the time. But now, Nate has gone off to school, I'm back to my previous low level of activity, I woke up ten minutes before having to leave the house today, and I just returned from a frustrating session of bracewalking - so my spin right now is not entirely positive.

And so, as I suspected, my previously posed question is more appropriately answered by, "the latter." True, I am getting used to this, but I feel so far from actually being used to it. Any time I'm feeling happy, there is this worrisome doubt in the back of my mind, this anticipation of the horrible drop back down to melencholy that is sure to come. For now, then, I will settle for trying to just stay as occupied as possible for fear of what too much contemplation time and depression-inducing inactivity will do. Whether or not this is a psychologically healthy approach in the long run, it's all I feel able to produce at this point.